Dear Fanfiction authors,
by purplefern
Summary: The turtles (and their friends and enemies) have a thing or two to say to fanfiction authors.
1. opening letter

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Hey, Mikey here! Right now I'm writing for my bros, cause they thought this was a stupid idea.

Hey, Raphie! Ow!

Can it, Mikey. Anyway, we've got a thing or two to say to you guys.

Raph, they could be girls, too.

Shut it, Donnie, I'm talking here. Anyway, just cause I say feelings to Spike, doesn't mean

I'm all "soft on the inside", alright? So stop writing me as a sappy wuss, alright?

If you say so Raphie, you and Spike talking is so _cute, _though.

Excuse me, I have an annoying little brother that needs to be whacked on the head. Come here, Mikey!

Sincerely,

Raph+Mikey (and Donnie)

* * *

_Alright, I cannot claim this idea, I borrowed it from DarkHorseBlueSky. Suggestions, suggestions, anyone? Until next chapter! _


	2. Mikey here

Dear Fanfiction Authors,

Dudes and dudettes, I just read a fanfiction about myself, and I must say that I think it scarred me.

What the shell, people? Why on earth would you think that I would ever commit suicide? Or... hurt myself. You know what I mean. Just because my life is rough doesn't mean that I'm gonna do all that.

Sincerely,

Mikey, , Prankenstein, the King of Pranks+Parties, The Mikester, etc. etc. Michelangelo

* * *

_I remember reading one where Mikey did self-harm, but I could be mistaken. Seems like something that someone would write, though. Still taking requests, but try to look at what's already been requested, so we don't get a swarm of request for the same thing. Until next chapter! _


	3. all of the turtles on Mary Sues

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Just because we rescue people from bad guys _does not _mean that we'll take them into the lair. It also does not mean that every time we find an upset girl, we're going to show her our _top secret _lair, and the have a romantic relationship with said girl. April was a special case, and we don't grant access to the lair willy-nilly.

( I can't believe Leo just typed willy-nilly. Ha ha ha.)

What we're saying here is, KEEP YOUR STINKIN MARY SUES AWAY FROM US!

Signed,

The TMNT Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo (hah, I get an "and" in front of my name.)

* * *

_I'm sort of unclear on what exactly the term "mary sue" means. I'm getting the idea that it's like an OC that takes over the story for purely romance reasons, but could someone explain if that's right or not? R&R Until next letter! _


	4. the one that you knew would come

Dear Fanfiction authors,

I can't believe this. I knew that humans could be strange at times, but this is just beyond insane. Have a relationship (a romantic one) and CHILDREN with one of my brothers? Appalling, gross, disgusting, etc, etc. Besides that, it's also _**scientifically impossible.**_

Signed,

A disgusted Donatello

P.s Eeeeew. Eeeeew, eeeew, eeeew, eeeew, eeeewwwwww. That's just gross. You really think we'd fall in love with our _brother_? We're desperate, but no that desperate. ... Wait, I take that back, we aren't desperate. You people have some sick, twisted minds.

-The Mikester


	5. Dogpound and Fishface

Hey Fanfiction authors,

How come no one ever writes about us? We're important. In fact, we're Shredder's top henchmen.

Don't make us threaten you.

- Chris Bradford and Xever

(Fishface and Dogpound)

* * *

_R&R Until next letter!_


	6. Donnie on pregs

Dear Fanfiction authors,

While I'm sort of, erm, touched that you want us to have semi-normal lives, with a wife, family, etc., there's no physically possible way for us to have children with any humans. Nature designed against inter-species relations. Just, uh, clearing that up. (Man this was awkward to write.)

Yours truly,

Donatello Hamato


	7. Leo rant

Dear fanfiction authors,

Where did this rumor start that kitchen appliances hate me? I can make toast just fine, and I've never caught one on fire once. Did you not see me making Ramen for my family like a pro? (Okay, so there's probably no such thing as a professional Ramen-noodle cooker. But the point is that nothing blew up.)

Yours truly,

A somewhat confused Leonardo


	8. Splinter on death fics

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Please stop killing my sons. I do not care if this increases "drama" or is an "interesting fic", stop doing it.

Signed,

Hamato "Splinter" Yoshi

* * *

_I sooo can't write Splinter well. ugh. Well, R&R, but please try to look at what has already been requested/ written, so I don't get the same requests for the same things. Until next letter! _


	9. Mikey again

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Hey, it's Mikey again. Why is it that you think that every time I go solo, I'm going to get get seriously hurt or something? Seriously, just cause I'm _technically _the youngest, doesn't mean that I can't fight. I've had as much training as everyone else.

Also, I'm not dumb, I just don't like thinking cause it requires a lot of effort, and Donnie can do it for me, since he's the smart one around here. But, if I _had _to, I could think up good plans and stuff too.

- Mikey "Dr. Namenstein" Hamato

* * *

_A lot of what I've heard about Mikey is that he's ok smart, and a good fighter, but he just tends to be lazy. Let's be honest, aren't a lot of teenagers (including myself) lazy at some time or other? R&R Until next letter! _


	10. karai on leorai

Fanfiction writers,

I am _not _in love with Leonardo. I don't know where you got the idea. I just like playing with him because he's so gullible. So stop writing about me doing mushy romance or, God forbid, having a family with Leo. I've got my sword ready, and I have my kunoichi skills to make sure that you don't.

- Oroku Karai

* * *

_R&R Until next letter!  
_


	11. raph

Fanficton writers,

I'm gonna keep this short. Could you put some stinking _action _into your fanfictions? I mean, we're ninjas, kicking butt is what we do practically everyday. Enough of this "family bonding" and fluff crap.

-Raphael

* * *

_Raph, you're the reason that this is rated T. R&R Until next letter! _


	12. donnie (who is not a hermit)

Dear fanfiction authors,

Despite what you seem to think, I do come out of my lab. I am _not _a hermit. The fact that I'm writing this in my lab instead of on my laptop is beside the point. In fact, before now I hadn't gone in my lab in... well, at least a couple of hours.

And no, I am _not a_ coffee addict.

Donnie, the first step in getting over an addiction is admitting you have one. Do you want to talk about it?

No, I don't want to "talk about it" I don't have a problem, now GET OUT OF MY LAB MIKEY!

Hey, owww! Don't listen to him. He really is a coffee addicted hermit! We sometimes don't see him for days, and-

MIKEY! Wheeww, well, now that that annoyance is out of the way, I can assure all you people that I _do _come out of my lab. And yes, I like coffee, and feel groggy in the morning without it, but I am not an addict.

Yours Truly,

Donatello

* * *

_ R&R Until next letter! _


	13. human AU's

Dear Fanficton authors,

*sniffle* Are we not good enough to you as we are? Why do you feel this need to turn us all into humans? Quite honestly, I'm proud to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I mean, I understand that it's an alternate universe, but why would you change a show about mutant ninja turtles, into some high school drama with us as human teenagers? Just leave us out of it and write the story your own way.

Sincerely and sadly,

-anonymous TMNT

* * *

_No, I don't know who it is. Most likely Mikey, that's who I had in mind while I was writing this, but whatever. To be honest, human Au's kind of annoy me. I mean, if you're writing for a show about teenage mutant ninja turtles, wouldn't you keep them as such? R&R Until next letter! _


	14. Mikey- I am not a baby

Dear fanfiction authors,

Just because I'm technically the youngest (by the way, I'm really only the youngest by a few minutes, for your information.) doesn't mean that when I have nightmares, I cry like a baby and have to sleep in my brothers' room. I'm glad that you think I'm cute and all, but can I be more, "supermodel" kind of cute, instead of little kid cute?

Yours truly,

Mikey

P.s Don't listen to him, he really is just a big cry baby. He ran into Leo's room just last night because of a thunderstorm. Oh, and he sleeps with a night light, some ninja he is.

pps. Raph! Stop writing on my letter. I am not a baby.

ppps. Yes, you are.

pppps. No, I'm not

ppppps. Yes...

* * *

_That's it, I'm stopping this argument now. yeah, that one sort of got away from me. R&R Until next letter! _


	15. Leo rant: part two

Dear Fanfiction authors,

What is with these stories about me having bad lungs, or asthma or whatever? I'm a TURTLE for crying out loud. We're pretty good at holding out breath, and lung control in general. Plus, I'm also a ninja. I can't be running across roof tops and fighting if I can't breathe well.

Sincerely,

A not out of breath Leo


	16. Donnie gets blamed

Dear fanfiction authors,

How come everything is always _my _fault? Anytime you need a disaster in the lair of some sort (usually of a technological nature) it's automatically because of something that I was working on in my lab? Yeah, I know there was that time with Metalhead...and the T-pod (even though I still say that that was mostly Mikey's fault)... and the Spy roach... and, yeah. Shutting up now.

Please try to find a better freak explanation that doesn't involve me being a "mad scientist", okay?

Sincerely,

Donnie

* * *

_Suggestions, anyone? Anyone have any for characters that haven't been mentioned yet? R&R Until next letter!  
_


	17. Leo's back again (on genderbenders)

Dear fanfiction authors,

We are not girls. Get over it and stop making us girls, and then putting us into relationships with our brothers. Being different genders doesn't make it any less incest. Plus, I doubt the Kraang or any other of our villains would really benefit from turning us into girls.

Sincerely,

Leonardo (with some help from Donnie)

* * *

_R&R etc. etc. Until next letter! _


	18. Leatherhead

_Since I didn't update yesterday like I normally do, today you lucky readers get three chapters. Also, what the bleep?! (Yes, bleep. it's not replacing a swear, it is the swear.) I just realized that I almost have a 100 reviews! That's so awesome, thanks everyone who reviewed! _

* * *

Dear Fanfiction authors,

I do love Michelangelo, but not in the way that you seem to think that I do. He is too young and innocent for something like that. *grrrr* Leave him out of your sickness.

LH

* * *

_ I didn't believe my friend when he told me that there was a LHxMikey ship, and then I was pretty shocked when it turned out that there was. I miss Leatherhead. I really thought that they were going to try and rescue him, but apparently not. :'( R&R Until next letter _


	19. Raph on temper

Dear fanfiction writers,

What is with you people? Just cause I have a bit of a temper, and asked for a little more action, you decide to write me as some sorta psychopath? Look, angry or not, I would never attack one of my brothers (well, I mean, not seriously.) even in the worst of times, I'm pretty sure I would be able to stop myself before doing somethin really bad. The way some of you write me, well, it almost makes me scared of me.

- Raphael

p.s don't you dare tell my brothers that I said any of this.

* * *

_You may be wondering what TMNT world I'm writing for. Well, whatever one seems to fit, but if no one specifies, then it'll usually end up being 2k12, because that's the one that I'm the most familiar with. This one ended up being more 2k3 ish, because I feel like the really bad Raph temper fics are with that Raph. R&R Until next letter! _


	20. It's Leoagain

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Look, just because I like Space Heroes and quote Captain Ryan every now and again does not mean I'm obsessed. I'm still the leader here, and I can act like more than a fanboy. I can stop watching Space Heroes anytime I want.

Sincerely,

The not-obsessed Leonardo

* * *

_R&R You know the drill. Until next letter! _


	21. The one known as Kraang

A message to authors who are the authors of the stories known as fanfictions,

Kraang talks in the speech which is the speech of Kraang. Kraang demands that the authors who are the authors of fanfictions keep Kraang's speech as the speech of Kraang. Not every sentence of the Kraang contains the phrase which is the phrase "known as ...". Also, Kraang does not test the mutagen which is the mutagen which is Kraang's on random humans, so Kraang should not be the one responsible for the fics which are the fics where a human gets mutated and meets the ones that call themselves "the Turtles."

From the ones who will soon be the ones that rule the planet known as Earth,

Kraang

* * *

_Kraang speak is so much fun. R&R Until next letter! _


	22. April

Dear fanfiction authors,

I am not as naïve and clueless as you seem to think that I am. I know full well that Donnie has a crush on me. Doesn't he make it kind of obvious? I just don't say anything because I don't know what _to _say. How am I supposed to react when a mutant turtle who happens to also be my best friend is sure that I'm his soul mate? You can write me in romance stuff if you want, I don't really care, but in real life I seriously don't know what to do.

Yours truly,

April O'Neil

p.s Who is this Casey guy that you're all so sure that I'm going to go out with? I don't even know the guy.

* * *

_R&R Until next letter! _


	23. Casey on CaseyXRaph

_For some of you people (you know who you are) Yes, I know that there are other TMNT's. I just don't write them that often, the 2k12 one was the first one that I ever saw, and the one that got me into TMNT in general. I'm most comfortable with it, so that's why 2k3 (or 80's or otherwise) aren't showing up as much. To appease you, here's Casey. I even tried to write his accent. _

* * *

Fanfiction writers,

Look, me and Raph are best buds, practically brothers. Nothin more. We're not gay. Obviously, since I'm married to April. Plus, he's kind of, ya know, a turtle. So, enough with that.

Casey Jones

* * *

_If this was super horrible, I'm sorry. R&R Until next letter!Anyone have any ideas for more obscure TMNTs, like the infamous Next Mutation?  
_


	24. Crossovers

Dear fanfiction writers,

I know that we have been guilty of dimension jumping before (not to mention how cool it would be to be a pirate, or raise an alien), but we can't really get into your other fandoms, guys. Like I saw this really random one where we're in the Pirates of the Caribbean (the movie, not the ride.). Or just ridiculous ones like Scooby Doo, although Scooby _is_ a bit of an inspiration for me. Well, maybe if I got the Daimyo to "help", then we could... Oh, I just got an idea!

Signing off,

Mikey (the Battle Nexus Champion!)

P.S Now look what you've done! Who knows what havoc Mikey could spread across the multiverse? Well, if pirates start invading your home town, you've got no one to blame but yourselves. I've got to go stop him before he does something really stupid.

-Don

* * *

_There really is a TMNT Pirates of the Caribbean crossover. I didn't read it, but it __sounds __ridiculous. R&R Until next letter! (P.S Don't yell at me if this was OOC) _


	25. Donnie on apritello

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Ok, fine, I'll admit it, I may have a slight crush on April. Gosh, stop looking at me like that! Alright, alright, I'm totally head over heels in love with her. I admit it, are you happy? And, I'll also admit that I kind of like reading ones where you guys let April and me kiss. It's cool to see my dream come true somewhere.

What I don't like are fics where you have April go with this Casey guy, and then you make me a sobbing angsty mess. I don't think I'd be _that _bad, I mean, I sort of get that she's more likely to choose a guy, you know, of her own species. You guys don't have to rub that in, though.

I'd be sad, duh, but not as bad as you make it. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.

Yours truly,

Donnie

* * *

_R&R Until next letter!  
_


	26. Splinter not the father?

Dear fanfiction authors,

Splinter is our father and sensei, always has been, always will be. Maybe sometimes he's more sensei, less father, or more father, but either way we've always been raised by Master Splinter. Not the Shredder, not some random other guy, not a scientist. Splinter.

Yours truly,

Leonardo (s)

* * *

_Trying to broaden my horizons here. First sentence 2k12 Leo, second 2k3, 3rd 80's (hence the "random guy" part) R&R Until next letter! _


	27. Spike has a message for you

_What time is it? It's UPDATE TIME! Anticipation. What time is it? It's the time of your lives. Ok, Sorry about the random singing, here's the letter now. _

* * *

Fanfcion ritrs,

i am **NOT **girl. ask Raph. stp, mutiting me into 1.

spike

* * *

_For a normal turtle, Spike's pretty smart. He wrote this letter all by himself. I think those fics are ridiculous, Raph would __know __if Spike was a girl. Spike's not a girl. But, he will be a mutant soon. Slash, the mutant turtle, not stupid Venus. Mwah ha ha ha, I can't wait. R&R Until next letter! _


	28. SAINW fics

Dear fanfiction authors,

Could you please stop writing about the Same as it Never Was world? It was bad enough experiencing it the first time, I really don't want to read about myself, or my brothers, experiencing it dozens and dozens of times.

Sincerely,

Don

* * *

_For reference, just cause it would probably be nice for you to know. With me, Donnie= 2k12 Donatello Don (or  
Donny)= 2k3 Donatello and, even though i never write it, Donatello, and never a nickname would be 80's. I don't ever call 2k12 Donatello Don, or Donny with a "y", and 2k3 is Don, Donny, or Donatello. R&R Until next chapter! _


	29. TWO Leos?

Dear fanfiction writers,

I don't get these fics that say "Leo during angsty time" or where Leo's majorly beating himself up. Leo's never been like that, at least, not yet. Plus, I personally never see him meditate, like you people seem to think he does 24/7. Unless... you're not writing about some other Leo, are you? No way, are you telling me that there's more than one Leo somewhere? Wait... does that mean that there's another Mikey somewhere? That would be awesome! Is he as awesome as me? Wow, more than four teenage mutant ninja turtles...

See ya later,

Mikey

* * *

_ 2k12 Mikey must've accidentally read a 2k3 story. Now he's all confused. R&R Until next letter! _


	30. Casey again

Fanfiction writers,

What'd I ever do to you people? You all seem to hate me, for no good reason. I'd never ditch April, or make her cry, or do any a the stuff that you write me to do to her. Seriously, you all just got something against me?

- Casey Jones

* * *

_2k3 Casey is confused by all of the 2k12 prediction Caseys. __I like Apritello, but I get fed up with people who hate Casey just because of that. I happen to like Casey. Goongala! Is that not a cool battle cry/ catchphrase? People always seem to write him as this crummy sexist boyfriend, when he's not. He actually (2k3, at least, don't know about this time around) loves/loved April as much as Donnie does now. That's my two cents. R&R, be nice! Until next letter! _


	31. Raph and Leo fights

Dear Fanfiction authors,

You guys exaggerate _way _too much. Raph and I fight, but not as badly, or as often as you make us out to.

Yeah, even though Leo can be a stuck-up, high-and-mighty show-off, I don't argue about _everything. _

And even though Raph is a reckless, rebellious hothead who can't listen to orders, doesn't mean that I _criticize_ him about everything. See? We're agreeing about something right now. And I don't _think _we seriously stress out Donnie and Mikey with constant arguments.

You don't think? There's a surprise. You're usually all talk, no action.

What's _that _supposed to mean? Raph, we're supposed to be proving that we _don't_ argue as much as they say that we do. You're screwing up the plan. I'm ending this letter now before you completely ruin the point we're trying to make.

Yours truly,

Leo and Raph

* * *

_R&R Until next letter! _


	32. Katanaship

_In case you don't know (I'm sort of sad that I do) Katanaship is LeoxUsagi. Don't know who Usagi is? Two choices, Google, or watch 2k3 episode: The Big Brawl. _

* * *

_Haikei_ fanfiction authors,

You humans are very strange. Where I come from it is considered highly inappropriate, a dishonor, even, for for two males to be in a relationship. Perhaps things work differently in 3rd Earth, but from what I've seen the ethics of our worlds are similar.

Well, appropriate in your world or not, there is nothing more between Leonardo-san and myself than brotherhood and friendship.

_Keigu_,

Miyamoto Usagi

* * *

_Apparently "keigu" means "sincerely" in Japanese, and "Haikei" means "dear". I tried to write this as I think Usagi would sound saying it, so, more, I suppose, formal sounding, but less so than Splinter, with random Japanese phrases that I got from a hopefully reliable website thrown in. But I've never really written Usagi. Hopefully it was good. R&R In serious need of suggestions. Last note: I have no clue what Usagi's world is like, I just sorta made that part up. None of these stories are meant to offend. There, disclaimer. You have been told. Until next letter! _


	33. TMNT x Reader

Dear fanfiction writers,

Ladies, ladies, (or...guys? O_O That's awkward) I know that I'm amazing, but Mikey can't be put into a relationship with anyone who happens to read a TMNTxReader fanfic. I'm waiting for the right girl, and one who isn't just in love with me over the interweb.

Later,

Mikey

* * *

_I don't even know where that came from. I honestly don't even know which Mikey that's supposed to be. A mixture of all of them, maybe? R&R Please! I need suggestions! I'm running out of ideas here.  
_


	34. MikeyxApril

Dear fanfiction authors,

April is mine! Not any of my brothers'! uhhh... I mean... Mikey and Raph aren't the kind of guys for romance, and Leo sort of has a crush on someone else...so none of them really have any interest in April. He he he. I hope.

Yours Truly,

Donatello

* * *

_You probably find a fic pairing April with any one of the turtles. R&R Until next letter! _


	35. TMNT yuri KaraixApril

Dear fanfiction authors,

Me. And Karai. Seriously? No, not happening. Maybe you've forgotten, so I'll remind you, she beat me up, hurt my friends, is the daughter of a nutcase, and tried to kidnap me and take me to said nutcase father. Plus, SHE'S A GIRL. I am NOT going to have a romantic relationship with her. Evvveerrr.

Sincerely,

April O'Neil

* * *

_People ship some weird things. R&R Suggestions, please! Until next letter! _


	36. Turtle Wizards

Dear fanfiction authors,

My world is a world of science. Crazy, almost unbelievable science that usually involves robots and aliens, but still science. Not magic. We don't have any "magic powers", neither does anyone we meet. Nor will we ever suddenly _get _ magic abilities.

Yours truly,

Donnie Hamato

p.s _Donnie _may not have magic powers, but I do. The magic of friendship. :3 Hah ha ha.

-Mikey

* * *

_My sister (her thing is MLP, and I watch it with her sometimes) convinced me to put that last bit in, but I can picture Mikey saying it. Sorry about the only one chapter for today. R&R Until next letter!  
_


	37. Seriously, get a dictionary

Dear fanfiction writers,

I'm assuming that since you people write these stories in your free time, you like writing. Well, I like for things to be accurate. For both of our sakes, use correct spelling and grammar. It makes you a better writer, and it makes it so that if I had hair, I would be pulling it out in frustration less often. Those of you not writing in your first language get a pass, but the rest of you are fortunate enough to get to go to a school and have an English class, so use what you learn there.

Sincerely,

Donatello

* * *

_Donnie sounds like such an English teacher. So, try to write well, otherwise you get on Donnie's OCD nerves. The funny thing is, I don't even know if I used correct spelling/grammar in this. R&R Until next letter! P.S updates will probably slow quite a bit, because I'm going to be busy. _


	38. RAPH NOT RALPH

Dear fanfiction writers,

My name is not _**Ralph**_it is **_Raph_**or Raphael. I am not a guy with huge hands who wrecks stuff, all though I do enjoy wrecking things. And **_Mikey_**is not a mouse with a pet dog and a friend who's a duck. Seriously, if you don't even know our names, what the shell are you doing writing for this fandom?

-_**RAPH**_ (NOT RALPH!)

* * *

_Like the number 1 pet-peeve of turtle fans, am I right? R&R Suggestions, please! Until next letter! _


	39. Do no harm

Dear fanfiction authors,

You know that I love my sons very much, and that I would never let anything, or anyone hurt them. If you know this, than why do you write stories where I abuse them, or forget them? They are my sons, my everything, I won't let them be harmed by anyone's hands, least of all my own.

Sincerely,

Hamato "Splinter" Yoshi

* * *

_I'm trusting Crystal Violeta that there are fics like this. I've seen the description for one, but have never read any myself. I did read one, though, where Splinter left Mikey behind, and he was raised by a scientist. R&R Until next letter! _


	40. Fangirl's Visits

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Stay. you. There. You know what I mean, stop making stories where you come into our world, and then pair yourself with one of us. It's not gonna happen.

Yours truly,

The TMNT

* * *

_Though, I can't blame people for making these, we all wish that we could meet the turtles at some point or other. R&R Does anyone have some non-turtle-realated suggestions? Particularly ones about the Shredder? Until next letter!  
_


	41. Truth or Dare?

Fanfiction authors,

What's with all the truth-or-dares? What do you think we are, a bunch of twelve-year-old girls? It's not like we just sit around playing girly sleepover games like truth or dare, or spin the bottle. Seriously, we're ninjas.

-Raph

* * *

_I think Raph feels like his tough guy ninja-pride was injured. R&R Until next letter! _


	42. The Shredder

_To Guest (whoever you are, if you're still reading this): It's not me saying these things, it's the turtles. I'm just speaking for them. I'm not trying to discourage people from writing anything, in fact, it's the opposite. I always try to encourage anyone who has an idea to write it (I'm trying to push my sister into writing a MLP fanfic, but so far no progress). _

_This note is for everyone, and applies to all chapters: these things aren't my views, they're (hopefully kind of accurately) the characters'. Hopefully I cleared some things up. _

* * *

To the fools who think they can accurately write stories about me,

Do you lowly authors truly think that I would fall in love with those loathsome creatures the Turtles? They and their Master are my sworn enemies, and one day they will all be bodies at my feet. Neither will they ever have my daughter, or any of my other kunoichis' hearts, I forbid it. I'm sure that they would rather die than betray the Foot, or their Master.

Not- so sincerely,

Master Shredder

* * *

_R&R until next letter! _


	43. Run-away Mikey

Dear fanfiction authors,

Mikey may be a pain in the shell, but he'd never leave us. I mean, not _leave us _leave us. He might go out to get some fresh air every now and again, but he wouldn't run away. At least, I don't think he would. We'd all miss the goofball. We need him as much as he needs us, so please stop having him run away.

-Don

* * *

_R&R Until next letter! _


	44. Clones

Dear fanfiction authors,

They say that opposites attract. Obviously you weren't listening when they said that, since you like making exact replicas of us, that happen to be girls, and then pair us with them.

Or when you have Shredder, the Kraang, or whoever this Bishop guys is (he freaks me out though, the way you write him), try to make clones of us, and they end up becoming girls. The list could probably go on...

Yours Truly,

Leonardo

* * *

_R&R I could use something just totally out there and ridicules, know anything like that that the Turtles (or someone else) might have a thing or two to say about? Until next letter!  
_


	45. Count Ninjula

Dear fanfiction writers,

Mwa ha ha, I vant to suck your blood, mwa ha ha ha. But seriously, people, Teenage Mutant Vampire Turtles? How would we even become vampires? Now, zombies, I can understand, and at this point I wouldn't be surprised if we met some zombies. I'm like, 90% sure that there is scientific proof that zombies could exist. Hold on, I'll ask Don.

...

Yeah, he just yelled at me to get out of his lab, and stop asking him stupid questions. I'll take that as a "maybe". So, zombies? Probably. Us being vampires? Not so much. (And I really hope that you're talking about _vampire _vampires. Old school. Meaning, not certain ones that sparkle.)

Later,

Mikey (Count Mikula, mwa ha ha ha)

* * *

_Again, counting on CharmyPI-5 the VIII that fics like this are out there. I know that the zombie ones are. So, R&R Until next letter! (Also, who's excited? New season this Saturday, oh yeah!) _


	46. Baxten, er, Dexter, er, that guy

Dear fanfiction authors,

As one of the Turtles' most arch nemeses, and therefore the most major of the minor characters, I speak for all of us when I say: WRITE ABOUT US! We're still here, you know, even if we haven't shown up in a few episodes. And, even though it pains me to say it, this goes for those goody-goody friends of the turtles, too.

Also, the name is BAXTER STOCKMAN! How many times do I have to say it? Come on, it's really not that hard a name!

Signed,

The ever-brilliant, 5th most arch nemesis of the Turtles, Baxter Stockman

* * *

_April's dad counts as a minor character, too. Especially now that he mutated. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be sad and all, but I think he's better as a mutant, anyone with me? R&R Until next letter! _


	47. Mikey part IV

Dear fanfiction dudes and dudettes,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I AM NOT STUPID. I may or may not have ADHD/ a short attention span (it's not my fault that the things Donnie and Leo say can get so boring), but I'm not stupid. I'll admit, sometimes weird sounding things can come out of my mouth, but that's more like unrestrained creativity. I'm not going to randomly blow stuff up in Donnie's lab (hopefully), I'm not going to say random crud to be random, and I listen to Leo's plans every once in a while. There's more to me than just the jokes, you know.

Yours Truly,

Michelangelo

* * *

_The really stupid thing is that __**nick **__does this too, and it is so unfair and annoying. Like in the newest episode, I don't think that a single mildly intelligent thing ever came from Mikey's mouth. I know he's not Donnie, or even Leo, but they've got to give him some dignity/depth, right? Or am I asking too much from a cartoon? Ok, Sorry about my mini-rant in the author's note. R&R Until next letter! _


	48. Dark Turtles

Not every clone of the Turtles, evil or no, is a Dark Turtle. There's just the four of us. Maybe we are just messed up copies of the originals, not worth anything, but we're still our own characters. The character choice "Dark Turtles" is for us, and us specifically, not just generic clones.

- Dark Leonardo

* * *

_I was just looking through the Dark Turtle stories, and I noticed that some people used it as a character choice for generic clones.I'm guessing that it was people who haven't seen Fast Forward, and don't know who the Dark Turtles are. R&R Until next letter! _


	49. Spike Pranks

Dear fanfiction writers,

I don't know why you make Mikey decide to prank Spike, but it's never going to happen. No way I'm ever letting that shell-for-brains get close to, or alone with my little buddy. And I'm _defiantly _NOT going to let him paint Spike's shell pink, or any other color. And he'd better be able to run fast if he ever actually _does _mess with Spike, cause then he'd have my fist to answer to.

-Raph

p.s yah, i dnt like pink. stpd mikey.

-spike

* * *

_R&R Until next letter! _


	50. The L Word (and a rather long AN)

Dear fanfiction writers,

I don't think you know Raph that well. It seems like in a lot of stories where you give him a love interest, he just falls *snap* like that in love. What he'd really do is deny, and then deny, and deny, for as long as possible. Even when he admitted to himself, we'd probably be the _last _people he'd tell, and even then he'd probable shy from the "L" word. Trust us, we've been around Raph more than brothers _should _be around each other. We know him.

Yours Truly,

Leonardo (speaking for everyone but Raph)

* * *

_Ok, this one was recommended by Zeeweeble. I'm going to start trying to give the people who recommended stuff some credit, so also thanks to Snake McReady, aliengirl13 (and all others who suggested T-cest), I'm Awesome and Y'all know it (bonus thanks for reviewing basically every chapter), a guest called Troll, BubblyShell22 (same bonus thanks applies to you), i-luv-raph, and a whole lot more people that will probably get acknowledged in the next letter or so. As fellow fanfic writers (well, I'm assuming most of you are), I'm sure you understand how happy all of these reviews make me. R&R (In need of suggestions, and this time you'll probably get recognition. What? No, I'm not bribing you.) Until next letter! _


	51. Age confusion (and more recognitions)

Fanfiction writers,

Donnie isn't older than me! Nothing more to say. If you have to know, Leo is the stuck-up over protective oldest, yours truly is the BA, coolest, but sadly only 2nd oldest, my nerdy YOUNGER BROTHER Donnie is the 3rd oldest, and the ADD cry-baby Mikey is the baby brother. No more mixing it up, cause now you know how it really is.

-Raph

* * *

_ More shout-outs to people who requested in the past, as promised. So, thanks to Mikayla, Creepy-Pasta, Creator of Hybrids, winowa-san, Crystal Violeta, KingdomKeepersGirl (not because she had a suggestion, but because her Wreck-it Ralph quote made me laugh), CrazedAuthor17, Kagayaku Hoshi-chan, Kili Ross, Killi (in case you're a different person from Killi Ross), and whoever it was that suggested this one. I'm sorry, but I think I lost the PM or review with the suggestion, well, hopefully you know who you are. So, thank you all these people. R&R Until next letter! _


	52. Psycho-Mikey

Dear fanfiction peoples,

So, not only do you have me kill myself, but you have me kill my brothers? I'll say it again, WHAT THE SHELL, PEOPLE?! Ok, so I can speak crazy-talk, that doesn't mean that I'M crazy, or at least not in a crazy-killing-machine, twisted comic-book killer way. Just, _come on_, guys.

-Mikey

* * *

_As I promised to start doing, this one was suggested most recently by I'm Awesome and Y'all know it. R&R Until next letter! _


	53. Venus

Fanfiction authors,

I know what Leo told you (and Venus, apparently), but Venus really is our sister. So, stop pairing us with her. (Unless, of course,you're making her in a different world where she _isn't _our sister. That's a little better.)

Sincerely,

Donatello

* * *

_I watched a little bit of Next Mutation on Netflix, and it sort of broke my heart when Leo flat out-right said that they weren't brothers. How could he say that? Although I hated her, I still regard Venus as more of the Turtles' sister than as a love interest. R&R Until next letter! _


	54. Cannibalism

Dear fanfiction authors,

I don't care if you have it done as a prank, or a cruel joke from a villain, or just a freaky accident. Stop with the having us eat turtles. *shudders* Cannibalism is **_not _**ok. Oh, yuck, just thinking about it... *shudders again*.

Yours truly,

A disturbed Donatello

* * *

_I've read at least three fics that involve cannibalism. I don't have a problem with it, but I think that the guys would. Feel free to ignore them and keep writing. ;) R&R Until next letter! _


	55. RaphLeoKarai love triangle

Dear fanfiction authors,

I don't want Karai, Leo can have her. That girl is nothing but trouble.

That's nice of you to say, but _I _don't want Leo. It's just funny that he thinks I actually care.

So there, no love triangle here, Leo's the only one without sense around here. I don't want Karai, she doesn't want me, and she doesn't want Leo.

When did I ever say I didn't want you? *smirks*

Uhhhhhh...

Messing with these turtles is so entertaining.

- Oroku Karai & Hamato Raphael

* * *

_Suggested by Demigoth C. Emo. R&R Until next letter! _


	56. Casey genderbenders

_I'm ba~ck. Sorry, it's been a little while, hasn't it? _

* * *

Fanfiction authors,

Me as a chick? Why would ya do that? No wait, let me guess, so you could pair me with Raph. Look, I don't like being turned into a girl anymore than the guys do, so stop it.

I don't know, Case, you'd probly be one cute babe. *snickers*

Shut it, Raph *punches shoulder*, I don't need ya encouraging 'em.

-Casey Jones

* * *

_This one was requested by no one, I just wrote it myself. R&R Until next letter!  
_


	57. Mutating April

Dear Fanfiction authors,

Don't you think that my life is crazy enough with all the aliens, robots, mutants, ninjas, and who-knows-what-else? Do you _really _need to mutate me? The worst is when you mutate me just so that you can pair me with one of the guys. As if being a mutant would change how I feel...

Yours Truly,

April O'Neil

* * *

_Suggested by Gambitstalker. I'll admit, I'm 100% guilty of this, my very first fic was mutating April into a turtle. Oh, well, April can complain all she wants, I'm not sorry at all. ;) R&R Until next letter! _


End file.
